I’ve taken the time to think about my dad and why he is the way he is, why he’s doing so many drugs, with so many girls, why he’s given up but still alive.
My dad is 41, the 13th out of 13 kids (how ironic). He has the longest record in the family, spent the longest time in jail (he still goes to jail sometimes..), just overall the bad kid, the black sheep, and he still is.
I thought why he was that way. He’s always been a law breaker, a partier, a ladies man, since he was back in high school. A lot of people are that way but eventually they grow out of it because they have a family and a job and such. He never did. He slowed down at times but then he just went right back into it all. It wasn’t ever really bad but now it is. And simply it’s because he’s sad. Depressed. Not really a shocker. Why is he so depressed?
My dad, like many normal people used to be, only married once in their life time. They really only loved one person, after that you can’t love another, you don’t even try. But he’s tried, and he sits there and shakes his head and wonders how people do it because people do that all the time. They love someone, then they split up, and they go and find someone else to love. He doesn’t understand how that’s possible because he says if you love someone, you’re fucked, and you know when you’re fucked because everything leads your thoughts to them, every moment of every day your mind is thinking about them, to put it simply you’re obsessed with them but not psycho insane obsessed, a good obsessed. And you also can’t ever think of someone else being as good as that person, nobody else is better, they are the one, eventually everything leads back to them. That’s when you’re fucked. I know my mom did not love him this much, that is something everyone knows. But that’s why he is so sad, he’s trying hard to just feel anything by doing drugs, partying, he lost the person that gave him feeling. He tried hard to love again, which is why so many girls came and went from his life, but he’s given up, now they just temporarily fill the void. Everything is just temporary now, constantly in search of something to give you that feeling again. It is sad that I understand the feeling.